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Inner bonding is the process of connecting our adult thoughts with our instinctual, gut feelings—the feelings of the "inner child"—so that we can minimize painful conflict within ourselves. Free of inner conflict, we feel peaceful, open to joy, and open to giving and receiving love.
Margaret Paul, coauthor of Healing Your Aloneness, explores how abandonment of the inner child leads to increasingly negative and destructive feelings of low self-worth, codepenclence, addiction, shame, powerlessness, and withdrawal from relationships. Her breakthrough inner bonding process teaches us to heal past wounds through reparenting and clearly demonstrates how we can learn to parent in the present. Real-life examples illustrate the dynamics of the healing process and show the benefits we can expect in every facet of our lives and in all our relationships.
Inner Bonding provides the tools we need to forge and maintain the inner unity that makes our family, sexual, work, and social relationships productive, honest, and joyful.
- Sales Rank: #61829 in Books
- Published on: 1992-06-05
- Released on: 1992-06-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x .60" w x 6.13" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
From Library Journal
This work teaches us to connect our inner adult (logical conscious mind) with our inner child (instinctual or gut feelings) so that we may live conflict-free lives. Paul has worked extensively with this form of psychotherapy, which she calls inner bonding, and is the author of several books on the subject. Through loving behavior and acknowledgment of that "voice" within ourselves, the author claims that we can satisfy our own needs and not be totally dependent on others for happiness. She gives examples through her counseling work with those who want better family, marital, social, and work relationships and encourages outside help for special problems such as alcoholism, sex addiction, and codependency. This is a very helpful book for both individuals and couples who want to learn how to acknowledge their inner needs and address fears and false beliefs that often stem from childhood. Recommended for large self-help and therapy collections.
- Demetria A. Harvin, "Hospital Medicine," New York
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"A surprisingly powerful process! It teaches us to meet our innermost needs." GERALD G. JAMPOLSKY, M.D., author of Love Is Letting Go of Fear
"The system .... discussed in this book will supply you with the most loving, dependable, supportive friend youll ever haveyourself. What a joy to know youre not alone anymore." LINDSAY WAGNER, actress and co-author of The High Road to Health
"A wake-up call to the most exciting miracle of the universe: your life." PETER AND LYNDA GUBER, film producers
"Inner Bonding is a powerful book for anyone interested in quality relationships. It offers practical tools, not just theory, to help us reach inside and heal those deep problems and addictions that have held us back for so many years." THOMAS CRUM, author of The Magic of Conflict
"Inner Bonding is a welcome addition...... It gives us a pragmatic, solution-oriented framework for resolving inner conflict." -STEPHANIE COVINGTON, PH.D., clinical consultant and author of Awakening Your Sexuality -- Endorsements
"Margaret Paul offers us a simple and very effective tool for healing our inner upsets and quieting the confusion in our minds. I recommend that you use this valuable tool daily on your path to wholeness." SUSAN JEFFERS, PH.D., Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and Dare to Connect
"This special book will be deeply appreciated by anyone wishing to heal, love, and grow. Every page has valuable insights and strategies to enrich your life and all your relationships. Reading this book is a healing experience." -HAROLD H. BLOOMFIELD, M.D., author of Making Peace with Your Parents and Making Peace with Yourself -- Endorsements
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and the coauthor of Free to Love, Do l Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, From Conflict to Caring, and If You Really Loved Me.
Most helpful customer reviews
21 of 21 people found the following review helpful.
Love this book, thank you Margaret Paul.
By OwlJulie
This is a sequel to Healing Your Aloneness. It really could have been added onto the first book and re-published that way. It is very helpful to learn about the inner child dialogue process between the adult and child inside your head. There are many more helpful diagrams in this book than there was in the first book. This book is not just a review of the first book, it is much more than that. It in many ways explains the concept more clearly, with stronger (if lesser) examples. This book is written loudly and clearly, whereas the first book had some ideas that weren't explained as well as they are in this one. This book is for those who want to do serious work on themselves, for those in recovery from addictions, from codependency, from addictive relationships, overeating etc. But it is also for anyone who, as the previous book's title states, is lonely and doesnt know why. Inner Bonding is the solution to loneliness because it teaches me to be there for myself. This book is also spiritual, in that it reaches down to a deep level and transforms my life, daily. It teaches an inner habit. Truly an amazing habit and practice.
I should warn you that God is mentioned in this book as part of this process that is needed. If you read the first book, a 'higher power' is mentioned in that book. It is helpful to believe in some sort of higher intelligence to do this process, and one does not have to actually believe in God for it.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Inner Bonding
By Shasha
Hi, I never figured out codependency until I read this book. I appreciate the examples and how to learn to stick up for your inner child...be your own parent. I know I abandoned myself many times. I don't defend myself...refuse to. I don't care what others think. I know I have resistance like she mentions to authority/controlling. She is also on the Youtube.com and answered two of my comments I wrote after hearing her videos. She is very nice/kind/understanding. I run from love so I am trying to figure out how to change. My dad had a strong temper and I am attracted recently to someone who was like my dad. I need to figure out my life. I can do it better from books than a counselor that doesn't really know me. I appreciate this. She also wrote Healing Your Aloneness. I am alone most of the time. I isolate myself to avoid rejection. I have many walls/defenses. I don't want to try to control me like a parent and treat me like a child. I have lost many friends who were not real friends. I have to decide why I have them as friends...just to whine/vent? I need to be with people who are my equal and respect/value me just as I am and not try to change me. This is a great book and her understanding is awesome/validating.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Great process & examples of how to deal with relationships & self in a healthy way
By Beta
I really enjoyed this book, it's full of insight and practical examples on how to regain and maintain your emotional independence and stay in touch with your feelings at all times. I definitely recommend this book.
However, there a couple of points to consider.
Author has a strong spiritual view on things, which feels very new age at time. It comes in the Step 4: Dialog with the "Higher Power" or "Higher Self". In her dialogues she sometimes says that a person can visualize Higher Power as "someone within" rather than "someone without". However she also states "We have to reach within our Child and without to a Higher Source... to find the whole truth for ourselves". For people who are not spiritual or have been hurt by religion this can be a major detractor, unless it's redefined solely as "Higher Self" or something similar. Personally, for me this is not a sticking point.
Author does state that we are at all times only one person, however, most of the book focuses on dialoguing with the "Inner Child". I definitely see that this approach might not work for some people where fragmentation is an issue. Jean Jenson in 'Reclaim your life' recommends a similar approach however, she underlines the unity of a person to a greater degree and separates out the consciousness to child & adult.
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